Mirrors in San Francisco
by Bocilovegsr
Summary: Sara has to do something that really bothers her.


Sara Sidle never was a girl who was negligent in her studies. However, it did not mean that she was happy about everything that came her way. She loved learning about almost everything. Everything meant Physics, Biology, Math or Chemistry and most recently she loved learning Entomology. She would not have thought even for a minute that she would ever be interested in Entomology but it seemed she was. Or was it something about the lecturer? Probably both. She was about to make inventory of this special and gorgeous Mr. Grissom's features when a little voice warned her, "Back to earth, Sara!" she told herself.

She had been edgy for days and now, the more she wanted to be through this exam, the more frustrated she became. She had tried to cancel the course reasoning that she was a scientist and not a poet. After she had been told that it was compulsory for all of the students to widen their knowledge, not just for her, Sara went home defeated to write a classic poem about her life. And only one day left to turn the paper in. Failure was ensured.

"My life is no one's business," she complained to the laptop she had brought with her to the park. While the others could gather to share their ideas on how to start their compositions of ars poetica, Sara had no one who she trusted with her soul that much. She had never talked about her non-existing family to any living soul and she was sure it was not the day when it was to change. Because for her, it was all about trust. Thus, she was perfectly alone in this one. One of her class-mates had once joked about her ancestry saying she had probably hatched from a cocoon. Although she had always smiled at it, she had found it anything but funny.

Therefore, here she was, Sara – newly poet to be – Sidle, sitting on a bench in a park, near the campus and deleting every line she had been writing into the computer in the last few hours.

"I can't do this. Well done, Sidle, you'll fail. Super."

"Fail? I don't think so, Miss Sidle," a bright and warm voice made Sara look up from her misery.

"Oh, hi, Doctor Grissom," she greeted him smiling.

"I think we agreed to call me Grissom or Gil, didn't we?"

"Yes, um…Grissom or Gil," her mood was definitely lifting.

"So what is that cruel thing that took you in this misery?"

"I was forced to enroll in a course that…" she looked down suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

"Don't tell me you are afraid of a course, let alone fail?"

"It's something I really have no talent in it. Really. Honest!"

"And that would be?" he asked her patiently.

"Facts of life through a poet's eyes, this is the name of my fate."

"That sounds interesting," he smiled at her.

"Yes, I had thought the same until Professor Rience declared that we would be graded based on our own poem."

"You're brilliant, Sara. You're my best student, my star student, I'm sure you'll do great."

"Thank you, but I think you're a little partial," she was blushing by now.

"I'm only following the evidence. Can I…um…take a look at your poem? If …if it's okay?"

With a sincere laugh, she told him, "There is nothing, not a word, I could show you. I couldn't even start it yet. I don't like talking about my life, you know. It's private."

"Just follow your instinct, Sara. It's not that you have to say things out loud or write them all down, for that matter. Ars Poetica means how you look your life. And it mirrors only a flash of your life. Like a report of a scene. Like a photo of what you see. Maybe if you look at it later, a week later, a year later, you would write it differently. Just look around. Open your eyes and open your heart to yourself. This park is like a mirror. Shows you all what you really are, what you really have. It's full of life, busy with different forms of lives making a whole with you in it, and this world is open to some visitors to sit here for a while and open for one maybe who can stay longer or forever if you let him. You decided where to come this afternoon, and it reflects what kind of a person you are, so just open your eyes and let the impulses flow through your mind. Those are facts of our lives."

For long seconds, Sara could not find her voice, just stared at him drinking his words instead. She closed her laptop and just opened her eyes; really opened her eyes and she suddenly realized she was not alone. She started to hear all the voices that the animals made. The sounds that other people created. She could see all the trees, all the clouds that made the moment worth to live in.

"I'm sorry if I talked too much," he shrugged his shoulder. "Just for once, Sara, stop thinking. Poem is about feeling and perception."

"It was as if I had been listening to one of your lectures. Gave me directions. Made me think."

"Entomology is about life, poems are about life, so the two can be related in some way, don't you think?"

"I…I don't know," she said.

"Okay, I'll leave you to your job. Can I see you tonight?" he asked shyly, no matter that he had been taking her out every night since the third lecture.

"I'd love to."

They did not need to set a place or time for their dates; he had picked her up at 7 every evening. These dates had been their high light in the days for both of them. But now, she had to concentrate on creating a poem about her life. Sara sat there for three more hours and finally the piece of poetry was born. She smiled sadly at her work but on the other hand, she was satisfied with it.

"If professor Rience finds it worthless, then so be it, this is my life." And with this, Sara revised it once more and then she went home to print it out so she could finally turn the paper in, and was more than ready to forget all about it. Only just then, she realized that she had been willing to show her thoughts to Grissom without a second thought. It confused her but she refused to ruin her date with him because she was dreaded of the feeling that she had started to fall for this man. No, it was not true. She was afraid of him because he had earned her complete trust in no time. It was an absolute unfamiliar feeling for her. But what made her even more scared was that she had to let him go in two days. A pang of panic pierced her very soul. She would be alone again in two days. The only man she ever trusted would be far away from here, in another state. A month was just not enough.

A soft knock on the door dragged her back into present. They shared kisses as usual, went to the restaurant they both loved as usual, walked long hours in the streets hand in hand as usual but their moods were swinging from bliss to sadness, then back to happiness. Arriving back to Sara's place, both felt terribly angsty. They tried to postpone the inevitable, namely saying their goodbyes. Grissom sought for any clue to stay a little longer in her flat.

"Did you finish your poem?"

"Yes, and I turned in."

"Can I read it?"

"Um…it's embarrassing, you might find it immature."

"You don't have to show me if you don't want to," he smiled at her but inside, he was a little disappointed that she did not trust him enough to show him her feelings. But he would leave tomorrow night, so he tried to understand and mask his hurt feelings.

"It's not that I don't want to but I just can't," she sensed that she should change the subject to keep their spirits light. "When are you supposed to leave tomorrow?" _Well done, Sidle. You couldn't come up with a more depressing topic._

"Oh, I have to be at the airport at 10 pm."

"Want a ride?" _Are you really this crazy?_ "I mean…um…do you want me to drive you to the airport?"

With a mischievous smile on his face, he cupped her face between his hands and looked straight into her eyes.

"I'd love to."

"Okay, when should I pick you up?" she asked him feeling more and more miserable with every minute. A month was just not enough.

"I don't want you to pick me up at any time…"

"But you said…," she could never finish her sentence.

After a loving and somehow desperate kiss, Grissom whispered into her ears, "I could stay here with you…tonight."

Tomorrow arrived too soon and was even more frustrating. Neither said a word about his leaving. Neither slept much. They showered together, had breakfast together. Not much was spoken all day. And the time of his leaving arrived. Grissom drove her car as she had complained about a killing headache, she just did not understand, then why it hurt in her chest where her heart was supposed to be. Grissom and Sara both shared the same conflicting feeling. They wanted this awful waiting to end and they wanted this to last forever. Neither of them could handle instability. They were fine with them being in a special relationship, if that could be called that, and probably they could deal with the absence of the other if the time came. Phones and computers are already invented. But this, this transition state was a killer.

"I have something for you," Sara said to Grissom. "I want you to unwrap it on the plane, not now."

"Sara, you didn't have to get me anything. I…I didn't…think about it."

"Come on, it's nothing, you will see. But I want you to have it, anyway."

"But, I also want to give you something. Wait, here," and he unzipped his bag and pulled out a book from it giving that to Sara.

"No, I can't accept it; I know how much you love this book. It's too much."

"Yes, it means a lot to me, so are you. And knowing this is with you makes me feel as if I were here with you all the time."

Touched by his words, suddenly, Sara felt strong enough to look into his eyes promising love and to survive the next few minutes until he was gone. She watched as the plane slowly disappeared in the night sky, then Sara went to the park where her poem had been written, and she sat down and looked into the "mirror" to see if anything had been changed. She did not cry she felt nothing but emptiness. She was used to it. Grissom wanted to cry because he again felt screaming emptiness. He was not used to feel what he felt in the last month. One month was just not enough.

He looked down into his hands and could not wait any longer to see what Sara had given him. He unfolded the paper in which she had wrapped her gift. He read the title of the book he was holding, 'Never Forget San Francisco'. He smiled down the book and tears pooled in his eyes. Then, he opened it and he found Sara's real present for him. A letter? No, it was the poem she had had to compose. He started to read immediately.

Many-many years later, Sara was sitting on one of the benches in the Locker Room holding the cocoon that Grissom had sent her. She was just staring at it mesmerized. Long minutes later, she looked into the box expecting a letter from her lover, too. But there was none in the paper box. She swallowed her disappointment but the branch with the cocoon encharmed her. The Lab was a chaos right now, and she needed air. After the present was secured in Grissom's office and was seen for minutes, Sara went to her car and drove to a park nearby. She sat onto a bench and dialed Grissom. He answered to the first ring.

"So you received it, huh?" he asked her.

"Yes, and it's beautiful. Thank you."

She sounded depressed and stressed; however, she did everything in her power to mask it. He knew he should have told her sooner about his leaving for Williamstown, but he could not turn back the time. He had not been thinking straight at the time and now, he regretted it but still, he could not change it. He only could fix it.

"I looked for a letter in the box but found none," she probed tentatively.

"Because I did not send any."

"Oh," was her only reaction. What else she expected?

"I wanted to tell you this in person or through phone at least."

"What?" her curiousness woke up.

"Here, don't interrupt, okay?" receiving no answer, he asked again, "Okay?"

"You said not to interrupt, Gil," she said making Grissom smile on the other end of the call.

"So, here it is, it is very special, I was given a very long time ago…from a very special woman," and he started to recite.

**A month ago a butterfly  
****Flied slowly and gently through the sky.**

**It did soar up with a breeze  
Then approached me enough to hear.**

**I cried, "I want to float with you  
And live the way you do.**

**You make it so easy to feel love  
Just to be with you under the cheating sun.**

**I have no power in my arms  
I want your wings not these useless arms**

**I expiated my sins so I walk around.  
My fading body is trapped on the ground.**

**Once a miracle happened and it looked at me.  
It promised a love undying to me.**

**But it had to ****leave in a rush.**

**I'm tired of the pain I got enough.**

**It's not fair, a month is not enough.**

**It said, "What do you expect?**

**I also want to feel your touch.**

**Not only hear the God's buts.**

**To ****feel your hair flowing through my fingers.  
Or your breath that just lingers.**

**I have no power in my wings  
I want your arms not these useless things**

**I expiated my sins so I ****have you rare.  
My fading body is trapped in the air.**

By this time, Grissom could hear Sara's sob. He waited for her to calm down a little, and then asked if she could forgive him.

"Gil, you kept my poem?"

"Yes, I did. Do you still see it that way?"

"I…I don't know. Sometimes, yes."

"Okay, just to know, I changed the last stanza, my dear."

"Changed to what?" she was extraordinarily nervous because she still did not know why exactly Grissom left that day. Maybe he had needed space or some changes, she was not sure. But she knew how she had finished her poem and she certainly did not want their love to end that way.

"I erased the entire separate way thing and I thought your poem would be closer to reality this way," and he finished her poem with the following lines.

**The two creatures were far from each other for long****.**

**But the time only reinforced their bond.**

**They are different in so many ways.**

**But their love is undying and lasts forever.**

"Hey, the last line doesn't rhyme with the previous one!" she said half laughing, half crying.

"Damn! You noticed! But please, believe me, its every word is true."

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the poem :) Sara and I tried our best :)


End file.
